It is a very rare occasion that an Irish person gets the opportunity to glory in a natural tan (the photo above is the nearest to a tan I have ever had). Apart from when we are sprayed from head to toe in St.Tropez, we are, for the most part, milk bottle white the entire year round. But for the moment, we are not complaining. The fashion pack says milk bottle white is in.
But there are those occasions when you wish you looked like a suntanned Brazilian or Spanish goddess. I recall last summer for example. While my Italian friends were jumping off the side of our rented boat, emerging out of the water bronzed and fresh faced, I was sitting under an umbrella sporting a patchy zebra lobster tan and hair-do where even Diana Ross wouldn’t get a look in. The fact is, we are not genetically built for any type of sunny or warm weather. Thousands of years of rain, clouds and windy weather has fucked us over and taken away any hope of looking like Jennifer Lopez or Salma Hayek.